we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
