I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
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