I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
