sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
