Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
