Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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