my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
