She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
