Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
