I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
