So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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