she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It was confusing and full of hummus
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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