I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Randomize
