I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
