dude i'm inner monologue high
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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