champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
