Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
