I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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