When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
