Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
