Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
