Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
