I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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