I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
