And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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