i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
