i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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