I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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