I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
