watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
