You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
