Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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