and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
