My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
