Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
