Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
