We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
