A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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