I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
