just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
