Yo dont text me then not text me
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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