Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
So here I am, sexting at work.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
