I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
