I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
