Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
