I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
