just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
