I wish I only lived at night.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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