So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
