My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
