Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
